Mommy Dearest
by SerenityFalconNormandy
Summary: Written for the Dragon Age Reddit Weekly Writing Prompt: "I'm not something you can break and mend until you're satisfied with the product!" Marian's relationship with Leandra has always been fraught with tension. Why would Fenris leaving change that?


Marian lay in the bed, curtains drawn, drowning herself in darkness. She was as still as possible, hardly even daring to breathe. If she moved, she could smell Fenris on the sheets, and the wound was still too fresh, too raw.

What had she done wrong? The heartbroken look on Fenris' face hadn't given her any clues - if anything, it suggested he was as destroyed as she was. Marian turned her face into her pillow, drawing in a breath and holding in the tears building in her eyes again. The scent of Fenris, red wine, the casks of the brandy none of the others knew he favored, and the steel of his sword, filled her lungs. Unable to stay still any longer, Marian rolled away to escape, and yanked the bell chain to summon Orana to change the sheets. Maybe she should burn them. It would be cathartic, at least. She shuffled to her vanity stand and poured out some cold water, then gave herself a quick once-over with a washcloth. Orana hadn't knocked yet, so she was likely helping Leandra with her morning toilette first.

Standing over the bed, Marian took the pillowcase from the pillow Fenris had used briefly and folded it, carefully hiding it in the upper reaches of her armoire. Pulling on the house robes Leandra had insisted that she have made, she cracked open her door and looked for Orana.

"Orana?"

No answer.

Wandering out, she padded over to her mother's door. She knocked and called out, "Leandra, is Orana in there with you?"

"She just went downstairs, Marian. She's putting together a basket for me to take with me for dinner with the de Launcets, and then after I'm meeting my beau. I expect you to come with me to the de Launcets' this time, Dulci has been asking after you again."

Marian shook her head in confusion. For some reason, Dulci de Launcet had taken a shine to her during the party at Chateau Haine, and the kind, but simple woman wanted Marian to come over as often as possible. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just Dulci, but she insisted that her daughters Fifi and Babette try to befriend her every time. They weren't bad people, it was just that they were so empty-headed that talking to them was a painful lesson in extreme patience. No wonder they chose to live in Kirkwall instead of Orlais; the Game would murder the poor girls just for drawing breath.

"I'm afraid not, Leandra. I… had a bit of a falling-out with Fenris last night."

Opening the door, Leandra gave a half-hearted wave of her hand before moving back to her vanity. "I never really thought he was the right sort for you to be involved with, but I still want you to find someone. What did you do?"

She gritted her teeth. Of course her mother would blame her. "I didn't _do _anything. We had a lovely evening, then fell asleep. When I woke up, he stuttered something about his memories being there, then lost again, and left."

Leandra shot her a pitying look. "Oh, Marian. You always did have difficulty keeping a man."

Her brows nearly shot up to her hairline, "I beg your pardon?"

"First Halwell, now Fenris. I tried with you, I really did, but you were always off after your father. You'd rather be in a tree or beating up one of the boys instead of learning the more delicate pursuits. Scars and skinned knuckles from busting heads just aren't attractive to most men, it reminds them of themselves." She tutted, dismissively.

Gritting her teeth again and trying to reign in her rising temper, Marian ground out, "Halwell was a mage-hating git and _I_ broke it off with him, not the other way around. I will not apologize for scars and skinned knuckles earned keeping our family safe and fed."

"We have the estate and your investments now, Marian! You should be focusing on finding a husband, a real companion. Fenris is a lovely young man when he's not in one of his moods, but you should be looking for someone to carry on the Amell name with and provide for you, not acting like a man with a woman's parts below the belt."

"I am not 'acting like a man', I am doing what needs to be done! Keeping the _Hawke_ family alive _to_ carry on!"

Leandra threw up her hands in frustration. "You never listen to me, Marian! You probably drove Fenris away, acting like this."

"I-"

"Go put proper clothes on, I'll send a message to Dulci and take you to Lady Eugenie's seamstress instead. You can't do anything about having masculine shoulders and arms, but with the right stays and fashions, we can at least make you somewhat feminine looking. If you don't feel comfortable wearing Orlesian fashions, we can go to that new Antivan seamstress. And I will speak to Prince Sebastian the next time I go to Chantry services, now, there's a match worthy of the Amell name."

"Speaking of never listening!" Leandra turned away from her reflection in the vanity to glare at her, but Marian pushed on. "No, Leandra, I will not go with you to the seamstress. I like my work, I don't want to be 'that' kind of lady, and I am not letting you try to set me up with Sebastian. There's a lovely woman out there somewhere who will make him an excellent Princess of Starkhaven, but it's not me! I'm sorry I don't fit _your_ ideals, but I'm not something you can break and mend until you're satisfied with the product!"

Marian knew she was shouting, but couldn't stop the words from flying out of her. Leandra pulled herself up and gave one of her most disapproving looks, her voice sharp as the blade on Marian's halberd. "Bethany would never have given me this kind of trouble."

Marian slammed out of Leandra's room. Behind her, she could hear Leandra yelling at her to come back at once. She ran to her room, pulling on her leathers and grabbing her halberd.

"We are not finished! Come back here, Marian Doraline Hawke!"

"Oh yes _we_ are, Leandra. Give my regards to Dulci, Babette, and Fifi, and the gentleman you're meeting. I don't expect to be home this evening."

"Why of all mothers am I so cursed with such an ungrateful child?" Leandra lamented dramatically as she followed Marian down the stairs.

_I will not throw my own mother out, I will not throw my own mother out, _Marian repeated to herself as she whistled for Valor and grabbed her coin purse.

"You always do this, Marian! You always make everything my fault, what do you want from me?"

Marian whirled around, "What I want is to be good enough for you. But it's always been about Bethany. She's all you ever cared about. You might spare a thought for Bethany's older sister and Bethany's twin brother sometimes… but perhaps that's too much a stretch for your maternal feelings." Leandra's face turned purple. "You know, Mother, I'm sorry I'm not her. I'm sorry Bethany chose _on her own_ to go after that ogre and died. But more than anything, I'm sorry I can't be Older Bethany for you. That's not me." She felt the tears prick the backs of her eyelids. "I need to go."

No longer fighting the angry tears, she stormed out of the house, leaving Leandra standing in the foyer, arms crossed and no doubt still lamenting the ingratitude of her child.

Swiping at her face, Marian thought, _All I want is for her to say she's proud of me and she loves me, is that so much to ask?_

Apparently, it was.


End file.
